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STOP PRESS: Derek to be released....

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An email from the kidnappers (currently being traced) suggests that Derek will be released from captivity later today. The message reveals that Derek has been brainwashed by a sect of tree-hugging neo-hippies intent on turning the planet saffron. Apparently, Derek will now pronounce love and peace and will promote the music of James Blunt and Enya as a global panacea.

On release, Derek will be offered trauma counselling and a refresher course on "Global Domination The Dalek Way".

Comments (1)

I think I saw Derek in the Metro Centre under a tree but I may be wrong?

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